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Benjamin Harris
JohnRobynJamesRebekahAaron
Family
Alaska
Swimming
Highschool
GradesSportsTheatre
Back.
Homeschool
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TreesMountains
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Marriage
No.
Love
No.
No.
Faith
Priorities
Wants
Needs
Understanting
Knowledge
Wisdom
Whoareyou?
No.
WhoamI?
No.
Wheretostart
Wheretobegin
Wherediditbegin
Whendiditbegin
04031988
Benjamin Harris
5182011
Now?
Whendidnowbegin?
9/11/01
Destruction
Fear
Suspicion
Hatred
War
Pain
Sin
In the beginning
Itwasgood
TheGarden
Perfection
Personal Relationship
Prayer
Youwillsurelydie
Thefall
Sacrifice
Christ
TheCross
Grace
Ressurection
TheWord
TheGospell
GodspellTheatre
Managementdegree
NAU
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Growingup
Wherearewegrowing?
Wherearewegoing?
Utah
Home
Myhome
Homeofmyown
Independence
Money
Jobs
%+,$$,&Acct#
Tithe
Priorities
Him
orme
WhoamI?
Benjamin Harris
STOP.
Just.... stop. Too much. Lets try that again. This time, I'll try to keep quiet. Read on, and scrolling only; no dragging, mouse wheel, or scrollbar jumping permitted beyond this point. ==>
Stop.
What did you think about? As you scrolled through the nothingness... what went through your mind? 'How long is this going to take?' 'What is this nut job playing at?' 'Ummm awkward.' 'WTF Mate?' 'Ok, I've got plans and this veritable cornucopia of nothing is not in them.'
Maybe, maybe not.
Needless to say, I did it wrong the first time. And the second time. And the third, and the fourth....
I may be asking for the impossible, but here goes nothing: Try again. Go on, scroll all the way back up and do it again. (Feel free to reset however floats your boat, but no cheating on the way down; you could just just do it in reverse... maybe you'll get your time back. ^u^ )
Anyway, this time, don't think. Let yourself slow down for just a minute... you might even stop in the middle. Find your own slate. Whats on it right now? Clean it off. I'm not talking about some zen, ahmooahmitofudaah, meditation mumbo-jumbo; but take every little detail that makes you up, in this moment, memories/experiences/friends/relatives/hopes/dreams/what you feel/what you see... and shut it all down. Strip it back, stuff it in the trunk, sit on it and lock it up, then shove it out the window. Whats left? Even if we throw out the black board, there's going to be a wall... get to the bottom of you *You.* Can you do it? Try again.
Well? Did you strategize, analyze, conceptualize, prioritize? More complaints? Family? Future? Friends? Friendship? Failings? None and/or all of the above at once? I expect that's typical. In our day and age its so common for us to race everywhere, doing everything, and we fall behind if don't and are condemned (by society, not in reality) if we can't. Didn't it seem like an eternity, staring at that nothing for me? It's about 10 seconds, give or take for scroll speeds.
All this to ask, where is your heart at? When you woke up, when you sat down; right now. Not where you are in your life, what amazing/terrible things are happening to/around you, not your plans, nor your passions. Can you find what is the most sacred to you, point it out; amongst the chaos with put a finger on the single tranquil nexus point around which everything in your universe madly spins.
If you can't... as Miracle Max would say: What's so important? Figure it out. Make sure it's something that will endure and survive everything life has to throw at you... we all know that it will. If all else is stripped away and that one thing remains, what would it say (to yourself and others) about you, your future, and your place in this world.
This point is vital even if you have found it. If it can't withstand the flames of time, chance, failure, decay, destruction, and human defect, in the end how effective is it going to be in a world wracked with all of them? You've got to know in what your strength is found, and be in it at all times. What is your life and every action of every second of every day therein motivated, guided, and shaped by/towards... and how's it doing right now? You've got to know where your heart is.
In my case, it is an unchanging, just, loving, and all powerful God, Son, and Holy Spirit who is beyond human reason and understanding... if He were anything less, He couldn't pass the test. No one can take that from me, nor tell me I am wrong to live my life from/to/towards/for that always. I am also by no means perfect(ed) in following this heart, nor worthy of such a source... yet it exists as freely for me as it does the next person. And I strive, more and more every day, to live as a good and faithful servant. Anyone who has a problem with that should talk to me... or if you think I'm doing it wrong.
So... I omitted this in my original stream.... at the black block. I didn't want to insert too much opinion before letting people try it on for size.
...
9/11/01
Destruction
Fear
Suspicion
Hatred
War
Pain
Sin
In the beginningItwasgood
TheGarden
Perfection
Personal Relationship
Prayer
Youwillsurelydie
Thefall Sacrifice
Christ
TheCross
Grace
Ressurection
TheWord
TheGospell
...
This was again... all too loud... to much chaos; lack of center... many important things, many silly, many omitted as doubles or sharply personal. Also I don't want to get preachy... but we can talk if you want to. :) I just want you to think about what I've said; whether you agree with me on all points or none, I think it's a vitally important 10 seconds of silence.
So friend, what you got here that's worth living for? Go find it. Go live it.
This is me, wiping the slate clean.
~Ben
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